US Scareways

US Airways is the place where air hostesses go to die. Full of chintzy, frumpy, slightly mental ladies who are doing their best to make life hell for you, it’s like the film ‘Misery’ with added sarcasm and the same odds of escape.

Fly Emirates, however, and you cold get this much leg room. JUST LOOK AT IT!




The entertainment system would send a big crack through the screen of anything you might already have in your living room. You can tot up figures about screen size, film selection, sound quality and the like – but the factor that removes any doubt about whether this airline is the greatest in the world lies in its ‘Classic UK Comedy’ section on demand. Where you can watch this:




Good to know that a few foreign folk will have been educated in the ways of our comedy arts by viewing that classic.

South By Southwest

So that was South By Southwest, then. The highlight? Probably THIS. No, I’m not going to Rickroll you.

THIS was good too, mind.

Here’s what it looked like:















To the East!

The View From My Face In Austin

Can't sleep at South By Southwest.

This is what I’m looking at right now:





Bad things about hotels:

When travelling the world in the name of music journalism I stay in hotels there’s no way I could feasibly afford myself. Hence standard social practices in these, like dishing out dollar bill tips like confetti, are beyond me. Hence the staff view me in a manner that suggests I ran over their cat during the taxi journey from the airport.

Nothing to eat at 4am. Not that I ever have anything to eat in my own flat at 4am. But I do live about five doors down from a kebab shop.

I always fall asleep to US TV resulting in me subliminally processing about eight hours of adverts for chilli dogs, deep pans and pizzas and burger deals – I’m sure I actually wake up fatter.

Good things about hotels:

There’s no pleasure quite like drinking the rest of your still-cold room service champagne from the night before to mark the first thing you do after you wake up.

Frankly, anything above ‘motorway Travelodge’ standard qualifies as much comfier than my £50 mattress.

Unlike my bedroom, hardly any of them are situated directly next to a busy north London bus route in such a way that allows you to make eye contact with passengers on the top deck of double deckers when they pass.

I'll be filling THIS with newsy goodness later on.

Hello. I’m In Austin

I’ve Landed in Austin, and I’ve made the best indie spot possible already.

Really, it’s only downhill from here.

Check out THE ACTION HERE – BOSH.

SXSW – I Should Really Pack, Shouldn't I

First SXSW blog HERE. Not much happening yet…

Hello

I’ve been meaning to set up one of these for about a year. But my assertion that whenever I actually do have time between writing Joe Lean news, watching The Wire and corn-rowing my hair to start blogging my face off I should be dedicating these ‘windows’ to doing it on that big website I do, has made me not bother.

Until I whacked my head on my bathroom door and had an epiphamy – whenever I do NME type blogs I’ll simply link them with clickthroughs like THIS ONE RIGHT HERE MY FRIEND.

And all other stuff – cereal observations, searing insights into why The Office is better than Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps, you know, stuff like that – I’ll leave right here.




Until I lapse and can’t keep it updated – admittedly highly likely to occur not long after the tapping sound I’m making now has finished ricocheting off my bedroom walls – that is.

I’m going to SXSW on Tuesday so expect some blog links then, then I’m off to China where I plan to amass photos of myself next to landmarks wearing large sunglasses and making a double thumbs-up gesture.

I had to go through quite a few Mclusky-referencing titles before the site would accept this one - so apologies for the slightly lame blog title. Rice Is Nice and Friends Stoning Friends were already taken. Heartening to know there are a few others out there, mind.